...And because I have nothing more interesting to write about these days.
All the books and websites I've read say I should be keeping a diary/journal/blog about this time so I can look back fondly on it. They also say that I should not rely on my memory to capture this time in my life because pregnancy and then being a mom is going to completely destroy my brain. Lovely. And by the way, I'm currently in the middle of four books which are laying open or bookmarked on my nightstand and floor by my bed. There might also be a few laying around the house here and there that I've cracked open but not gotten into. I also subscribe to weekly emails from two different websites. I might currently be on information overload.
So, I thought I'd go for it and get out some of the highlights of the first 15 weeks. It's a little long becuase I've been working on it for a while and well, it pretty much covers three and a half months.
Sickness
I've learned that one of the first questions that people ask (apparently after they've figured out if the pregnancy is on purpose or not) is, "How are you feeling?" I appreciate their concern. I sometimes feel really bad when I tell certain women, women whom I know had horrid pregnancies, that it's pretty much been a non-issue for me. I mean, I've been uncomfortable but compared, for example, to my friend Cari, who had to be hospitalized because she was throwing up so much, my discomfort is nothing. For me, just a few of those things listed in the Pepto commercial. You know, Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion... I like to do the dance too.
Fatigue
Many of my girlfriends have been like, "Aren't you just sooooo tired?" That's a hard one to answer. "I don't know" seems like an odd answer. You see, I'm a very sleepy person to begin with. I've always enjoyed a good nap after work or even better, a daytime nap when everyone else is at work. It's glorious. So, it's hard to tell if I'm really that much more tired or if I just have a really convenient excuse to do what I've always done and more.
Every once in a while, it'll hit me hard at work and then I think, "Yes, I do have pregnancy fatigue." And I guess I'll go ahead and blame my complete and total lack of motivation to do any kind of house cleaning on fatigue because it really does tire me out fast. I think it's mostly my lack of good sleep that's causing the fatigue though. I'm pretty much up all night with ca-razy dreams, peeing and tossing and turning. I suppose this is only going to get worse so maybe my "fatigue" will get worse too.
Exercise
Exercise is very good for you during pregnancy. So they say. I've been taking Laika for walks (when it's warmer which has been almost never) and hopping on the treadmill from time to time.
David, smart man that he is, would never comment on my exercise or lack thereof before pregnancy. Now, however, he doesn't hesitate to remind me that I should be getting some. That really sucks in the wintertime. I just want to hibernate. I love the treadmill because it's conveniently located in my dining room. However, I also despise working out on the treadmill. In an effort to suffer along with me, he set up his bike on the trainer next to the treadmill. So now we can walk and ride and suffer side by side. That is something that I'll look back fondly on.
Emotions
I wouldn't say that I've been overly emotional or hormonal. Of course, can you really know that about yourself? I think (hope) David would agree. There are two specific instances that should be mentioned. I might not remember them fondly, but I'll definitely get a good laugh out of them.
When we started telling people at work, we kept getting the "On purpose?" question and other slightly invasive questions. When we answered some of these questions (about my plans for returning back to work, for example) we got the ol', "Oooooooh, you just don't know! You've never had a baby! You won't want to come back to work that quickly! Teehee!" I've never had a baby? What? I wasn't aware! These people seem to think their experience applies to every other person in the universe. They refuse to just let you have your own plans. Add to that my own anticipation of the questions and opinions to come-- about labor and deliver, about breast/bottle feeding, about raising children. All things that I'd prefer not to have others' opinions on-- my vagina, my boobs and my offspring! It's not that I'm not open to advice from those who are more experienced, but there's a way to give that advice and then there's the way that most people choose to give it. Two very different things. And lastly, the touching that will inevitably happen once the belly gets bigger. Ugh, the touching.
Anyway, one night all these things were weighing on my mind and I may have had a little breakdown about it. I was wishing I hadn't told anyone and thinking this was all a huge mistake. Yeah, that might have been a bit of an emotional moment. Whatever. I'm entitled to a couple of them, right?
The second breakdown was about maternity clothes. Maternity clothes could be a whole post of their own but I'll try to summarize here. It was week 14 and I wasn't showing at all (still not really since that was only last week.) I was/am, however, getting thick in the waist. And, to my complete and total dismay, thick in the butt and legs. So, I spent some time online ordering maternity clothes from Old Navy. This was after trying on some pants that Jodie gave me and finding out that regular lengths in maternity clothes are even more high waters than non-maternity regular lengths. I also did some looking at Kohls and found the exact same thing. So frustrating. So, I ordered a bunch of longs from Old Navy and was excited to get them.
On the day they arrived, I had spent the entire day in one of my bigger pairs of non-maternity pants feeling like they were cutting me in half. I was thrilled when I saw the Old Navy box by the door that evening after work. I had ordered three pairs of pants and three shirts. Two of the pants were the same, just different colors-- khaki and black. Those two were honkin' huge. Not in the legs, but the belly part was ginormous. And, not just the band part, also in the lower gut area. They might be perfect when I'm 8 months pregnant, assuming my legs don't keep growing. The third pair (cutest jeans ever) were the exact same size but skin tight. They were practically jeggings. The shirts were cute, but they'll be much more appropriate in a couple months.
After laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself for a bit, I went to Target on the hunt for something that fits now. I was only able to find a couple things in the right size. I tried those on and guess what. Both were complete high waters. Come on, people! My legs are not that long! I wear plenty of regular length pants! I went to my car and cried. And then I cried the whole way home.
When I got home, David wanted to fix my sadness and insisted that we go to Motherhood and the department stores in the mall. I went into the fitting room at Motherhood with 8 pairs of pants. It didn't take long before I was sobbing uncontrollably. Too tight, too big, too short. I walked out of there with a dress and had come to the conclusion that it's going to be dresses and skirts for me from now on. The department stores were no better. I eventually found a pair of pants at JCPenny that were okay but now I'm not so sure and might have to take them back. Like I said, skirts and dresses from now on.
I guess I'll look back on those stories one day and think I was ridiculous. Right now though, I still think both are perfectly sensible reasons to be miserably upset.
Reactions
I'm writing this section because I truly want to remember this. There are a few people who I've told and I really want to remember their reactions.
The grandmas, my mom specifically, and Annie were of course funny reactions. But those are caught on tape for us to remember forever so no need to mention them here.
Two of my girlfriends (Kelly T. and Jodie) gave me congratulations cards. I can't even put into words how incredibly touched I was by that. Jodie mailed hers and made my day one day after work. Kelly left hers on my desk on a particularly hellish day. Love those girls!
I was a little nervous about telling Rebecca. I mean, how do I expect an 18 year old to react to that kind of news? To 18 year olds, pregnancy is not a good thing. I was shocked by her reaction. She immediately started congratulating me and didn't even seem to think things like, "OMG! What are you going to do? Have you told your mom yet?" You know, typical pregnant teenager things. Then she started with questions. Will you be turning the guest room into the baby's room? What are you going to do about work? Have you had any crazy cravings? I was blown away by the maturity of her questions. She's such a good kid. I feel so lucky to know her.
Last, my 60+ year old cubical neighbor of six years. He drives me crazy. He talks on speaker phone and has meetings in his cube with no concern for what I'm trying to do or focus on. He listens to crazy music out loud all day every day. He's creepy and notices things like a new pair of pants. However, he's also very nice. He's interested in what David and I did over the weekend. He asks about Laika and Lars and Annie and Chase. He loves new pictures of Michaela and Annabelle. His kids are my age and he loves telling me what they and his granddogs are up to. He's really like my work dad.
Anyway, I told him at the end of one day. I was trying to get out quickly and didn't want him to make a scene. He was going to be out for the rest of the week so I told him I wanted to show him sometime before I left. I pulled out the ultrasound pics and handed them to him but also shushed him. He was like, "Is this anyone we know?" I pointed at my belly. I swear he got tears in his eyes. I went to take the pics back and he shook my hand. Then, he took my hand and kissed it. Heh. Weird, but I suppose it's better than hugging. He seemed so happy. He was trying not to talk out loud about it but was like, "So...October? November?" I wasn't quite sure what he was asking because those months made no sense to me. I was like, "Um... July?" He was thoroughly thrilled by the news and it made me really happy to see him so happy.
Just hoping the sickness stays away. David caused me to not be able to keep much down the LAST 3 months.Bout the time I went to bed one night with a fairly flat stomach and woke up looking like a basketball was under my shirt.He shifted in a huge way!
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